Peter Pan

Last week a long time friend of mine announced that he and his wife were expecting a baby. The exciting news drew the obviously happy response, but my friend Peter had a different take:

"it's about time he grew up"

I should preface that unlike a lot of my friends who have done that marriage and kids route now, Jeff is 40. It's not that Peter isn't happy for him, he just thought it was time for Jeff to "grow up" as it were and start a family.....his comment got me thinking....is this what growing up is?

If having kids means growing up....does that mean I'll never grow up? I laugh when people ask me about kids and are shocked to find out I don't actually want them. People seem to think that being a woman means having kids....but I honestly don't want them....I was always my dolls teacher and not their mother, I like babies, but not kids, and as much as I sit and think about it, its just not a life I can see for myself.

So am I not a grown up? Does deciding on a career, making the tough choice to relocate to a new city and go back to school not make me an adult? Will I always be looked at by others as the Peter Pan of sorts because I can't seem to get myself together, get a white picket fence and a snugli?

I can't think that I'm alone in this, and I'm going to make the almost cliche argument that more women don't kids but fear the "WHAT?? You don't want kids?" reaction. While I'm used to the reaction, it once bothered me. Why is it so weird? Lots of people don't go to college, lots of people don't ever leave the town they grew up in....and lots of people don't have babies.

What I'm getting at here is a baby doesn't make the adult. We are the only ones who can decide when we are grown up, if we want to grow up, and what we define growing up as. We are the only ones who can make and define our own adulthood.

Let Peter Pan fly.

Focus on Your Own Mat

That's what they tell you in yoga: focus on your own mat. The idea around this saying is to not concern yourself with what others are doing around you. In the world of yoga it means not worrying about whether your back is as straight as the person next to you, or if the person at the front can hold a pose for longer than you can or has better balance, but rather to focus solely on yourself and what you want to accomplish and take away from that class.

While in a yoga class with strangers the idea of focusing on your mat for an hour may be easy, but is focusing on your own mat that easy when you are surrounded by friends, family, colleagues and the like? The goal and purpose remains the same: to do things for yourself with only you in mind, and to block out the opinions of others. While the opinions of others matter to us, in the end the decisions we makes as our and have to function for us alone.

As I make my way through my post grad program, I'm reminded more than ever of the importance of focusing on my own mat. While the decision to move to Toronto and enroll in college raised a few eyebrows in and of itself, it was the best decision I could have made. The next 8 months need to be focused on my career and myself.

Focusing on yourself isn't selfish, in fact it's just the opposite, it allows you to give your best to people and be the best friend, son, daughter, brother, or whatever. At the end of the day, nobody knows their mat better than you so look at your mat, and you would be surprised at how good you feel when you aren't distracted by everyone else's downward dog.