"it's about time he grew up"
I should preface that unlike a lot of my friends who have done that marriage and kids route now, Jeff is 40. It's not that Peter isn't happy for him, he just thought it was time for Jeff to "grow up" as it were and start a family.....his comment got me thinking....is this what growing up is?
If having kids means growing up....does that mean I'll never grow up? I laugh when people ask me about kids and are shocked to find out I don't actually want them. People seem to think that being a woman means having kids....but I honestly don't want them....I was always my dolls teacher and not their mother, I like babies, but not kids, and as much as I sit and think about it, its just not a life I can see for myself.
So am I not a grown up? Does deciding on a career, making the tough choice to relocate to a new city and go back to school not make me an adult? Will I always be looked at by others as the Peter Pan of sorts because I can't seem to get myself together, get a white picket fence and a snugli?
I can't think that I'm alone in this, and I'm going to make the almost cliche argument that more women don't kids but fear the "WHAT?? You don't want kids?" reaction. While I'm used to the reaction, it once bothered me. Why is it so weird? Lots of people don't go to college, lots of people don't ever leave the town they grew up in....and lots of people don't have babies.
What I'm getting at here is a baby doesn't make the adult. We are the only ones who can decide when we are grown up, if we want to grow up, and what we define growing up as. We are the only ones who can make and define our own adulthood.
Let Peter Pan fly.
I don't want kids either and I get the shock a lot too. It does seem like women are expected to want kids, to have born with maternal inclinations. I know I have these and I really like kids, but I still don't want them. Perhaps this is because I feel like I'm a kid myself or that I'm selfish or that I feel like my health problems will get in the way of motherhood.
ReplyDeleteYou've raised interesting questions about what it means to grow up, how you know when you've grown up and whether or not others get to decide whether or not you've grown up.
Actually, I had a similar experience in High school. We all had to vote on things most important to us and I was pretty much the only person on the list who didn't want to raise children, and it wasn't my first thought. Like, hi, I was 17. Why should kids be first on the list??!
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