Gay vs Straight Sex 2: The Power Bottom: Welcome to My Body

Being the heterosexual cheese who stands alone amongst the plethora of gay men in my life, I'm often having conversations comparing "straight sex" to "gay sex" and the differences, dynamics, and power struggles that exist or don't exist in the intimate lives of both sexualities. Yesterday was no different as I discussed the not so subtle nuances between being and "bottom" and a "power bottom".

The bottom, in gay sex, is the receiver of all things penis. Akin to the woman, the bottom is the person in the relationship who opens up the door to their body, and invites the other in. As a woman, we invite you into our cozy home, make your stay as comfortable and enjoyable as possible, and when it's time for you to leave, we happily walk you out. While I always found this to be a position of power with sexual partners, I was shocked to find out that the attitude is not the same within the gay community.

I found this out when a friend of mine recently "bottomed" for the first time in quite a long time. While he surprisingly enjoyed the experience, he informed me that he planned on making himself a "power bottom". I obviously questioned the term and was informed that bottoms are typically seen as passive and submissive, while power bottoms, despite being in a position of less control physically, still run the show.

I found the idea of a submissive bottom intriguing as I have never considered my position within my sexual relationships to be anything but in control. As a matter of fact, I've always enjoyed the power my position holds. As the person who is allowing another human inside of yourself, you have the ultimate control in the situation. I've always found that by having someone in my house, they had to play by my rules, whether that be intensity, position, frequency, whatever. The point is, you come to my yard, you play by my rules. Also, in our sexually creative world of multiple places, positions, and times to have sex, is the idea of the bottom not a little archaic? Are you still considered the "bottom" if you are perched on top, happily directing the sexual traffic?

So I'm challenging all homosexuals to forsake their idea of the powerless bottom and embrace the position for the potential endowment it holds. Invite the boys to your house and make them play by your rules. If they spill red wine on your sofa, kick their ass out! For those of you who are "tops" in your individual sexual forays, let your bottom run the show, you'll never know how sexy a night with a bossy bottom can be until they hand you the itinerary ;)